Temporal Mechanics: How I learned to Stop Worrying and Love Paradox
by GWIect
Summary: In making Jack Harkness a fixed point, the Bad Wolf also made him a walking, talking, living paradox. By it's nature, this is a crossover story, but it is mainly a Jack/Ianto story and for a good long while the Doctor Who characters will only appear in interludes.
1. Chapter 1

**_PROLOGUE - Winning, Losing, and Starting Again._**

* * *

_"Yes... Cor, I suppose it makes sense." The War Doctor's eyebrows rose as he gazed down at his suddenly glowing hands, not much caring that his ship was traveling to a destination of her own choosing. "Wearing a bit thin..."_

_Looking up to the roof of the console chamber, he speaks aloud to his TARDIS as the regeneration energies begin to suffuse his body. "I hope the ears are a bit less conspicuous, this time..."_

* * *

Minutes later, a new man is prone on the floor of the same chamber, unable to stop sobbing out his grief.

The distinctive squeak of a door hinge interrupts his misery, and alerts him to another presence entering his ship. He looks up to see an attractive young man with impossibly old eyes looking down upon him with a set expression.

"Well, that'll teach you to be thinking about your ears when you regenerate, won't it Doctor?" The man asks, gracefully arching an eyebrow. "You can really only blame yourself for this one."

"How did you get in here?' The Doctor asks with a glare from his position on the floor, only slightly startled when his hoarse voice comes out sounding like an English Northerner, he ignores it to continue. "I don't know you. I don't want to know you. Just go away!"

"Well, that's very rude of you." The man replies, not seeming particularly offended, spinning on his heels and heading toward the door. "Up you get, then. I don't intend to put up with a rude Time-Lord parking his TARDIS in my guest room forever. Come along. What you need is a good cup of tea. All those tannins and free-radicals will help you get your head on straight again."

"I'm not going anywhere." The Doctor growled.

"I said, _get up_!" The man turned to narrow his eyes at the Time-Lord.

Without even realizing how, the Doctor found himself on his feet. He blinked at the young man, looked down at his new body dressed in near-rags, and back at the man in front of him.

"I don't suppose you'd mind giving me a moment to change first?" He finally asked, the fretful tone in his voice annoying him despite his inability to control his own emotions at the moment.

The man rolled his eyes, and cleared his throat meaningfully. Out of the corner of his eye the Doctor saw a flash and when he looked closer, there was now a full outfit; boots, leather jacket and all, sitting on the console next to him.

"Black for mourning. Yes, well I suppose it would be..." The man sighed softly, then turning again for the door he continued briskly. "Come out when you're presentable. She's not likely to let you run off after bringing you here, so no point trying. Kitchen is at the end of the hall on the left. I'll just start the water boiling."

"How did you..?" The Doctor began.

"Gorgeous ship you have, Doctor." The man tossed over his shoulder, as he exited the TARDIS. "I think she rather likes me..."

* * *

_Author's Note: There is such a lovely amount of blank space between the Doctor's regeneration from the Hurt Doctor to when the Eccleston Doctor met Rose. When I saw the 50th anniversary special, I couldn't help but take advantage of all that unknown time to further fill out the timelines in the Torchwood AU story I've been quietly working on for years. It was inspirational, and gave me a starting point I hadn't come up with yet that wound up affecting the entire story. Kind of like the butterfly effect in time-travel, the short scene you've just read forced the re-writing of thousands of words I'd already completed. I suppose only Time will tell if it was worth it._


	2. Chapter 2

_**Chapter 1 - Cannibals aren't the worst thing Torchwood ever dealt with, but I think I'll switch to Veggie Pizza, anyway.**_

* * *

As Jack walked into the showers, he noted the dimmed lighting, the pile of Ianto's discarded casual-wear on the floor, and the music blaring from a portable Ipod stand set on the bench next to a folded change of clothing. He didn't recognize the song, but standing in the doorway listening to the lyrics, he thought he understood why it might have appealed to Ianto after the day they'd all had.

_"They say it's over, and I'm fine again, yeah. Try to stay sober, feels like I'm dying here... And I am aware now, of how everything's gonna be fine, one day. Too late... I'm in hell. I am prepared now, seems everyone's gonna be fine one day. Too late. Just as well."_

The far too appropriate lyrics were too much for Jack, and he walked resolutely to the bench, scrolling through the other stored songs he found one that he'd actually enjoyed when it came out a few years ago, but still might fit Ianto's obvious mood, and certainly fit his own and the questions he needed answers to.

_"In pitch dark I go walking in your landscape. Broken branches trip me as I speak. Just 'cause you feel it doesn't mean it's there. Just 'cause you feel it doesn't mean it's there..."_

"It's polite to ask permission before touching, sir." Ianto's tired voice floated over the continuing lyrics. "Apt choice. I wasn't aware you knew anything later than the big band era..."

"I'm not quite that out of touch." Jack commented lightly in an attempt to put Ianto at ease with his presence.

Jack walked around the privacy wall to where he could hear the water from the shower dancing on the tile floors, and found his missing team member facing away from him in the central stall. Ianto's shoulders were slumped as he rolled his head on his neck, apparently taking advantage of the Hub's supply of unlimited hot water to soothe his aching body.

"Come out of there, Ianto..." Jack said, the water cascading over Ianto's back did nothing to hide the contusions he'd suffered, but even that didn't disguise his enticing form. At twenty-five years old, Ianto was at his physical peak, and Jack knew that the other man _made_ time to keep himself that way. Hidden beneath his camouflaging suits were broad shoulders, toned arms, a smooth back, tapering down to slim hips, long legs, and one of the best arses he'd seen in a long time. Jack knew if Ianto turned his eager eyes would be treated to the fine sprinkling of chest-hair that thickened and narrowed in a vee shape over toned abs and down to his...

"No." Was the abrupt reply derailing his highly inappropriate perusal. "If you want something you may as well come in here, because I'm not getting out of this shower until I start feeling like a bloody human again."

"I could help with that..." Jack tilted his head to the side, and gazing speculatively at the young man. Even without what appeared to be an unfair advantage, Ianto's words told Jack exactly how exhausted and in pain he was. The only other times he'd heard Ianto curse deliberately was in bed, or in extreme emotional distress. He wondered if there was the remotest chance that he could get away with kissing him better while Ianto was conscious, or if he'd have to wait until the other man finally gave into his exhaustion.

Ianto heaved a heavy sigh, "I think your kisses have done rather enough already, sir." Ianto turned his head to gaze at Jack. The Captain couldn't read his expression, but knew his own must have shown his utter shock at the pronouncement.

"Ianto..." He began.

"Talk_ later_, Jack." Ianto muttered, turning away again. "Just get in here, or leave me be for a while. _Please_..."

Jack wasn't going to turn down something he'd been missing for weeks, even under these circumstances. Stripping down quickly with a sigh of his own, he haphazardly balled up his clothing and tossed it over the privacy wall into the main part of the communal bathroom. He stepped into the shower cubicle, pressed himself against Ianto's back, and carefully wrapped his arms around the younger man's waist trying not to press too hard against any of the bruising. He was at least gratified by the way Ianto relaxed against his chest with a soft exhale.

Muted, but still obvious pleasure cut through the dully throbbing pain, annoyance, and the prevailing exhaustion that Jack had been feeling since the drive back from the Beacons, and once again he was reminded of the reason he'd sought out his ever more intriguing Welsh archivist in the first place.

"Stop thinking about it." Ianto told him, shortly. "The more you worry it over in your head, the harder it gets for me to block."

"Block what?" Jack asked, confused as he took the soap that Ianto hadn't even touched yet from the wall-tray and began lathering the other man's chest. "Ianto, we need to..."

"Sir, I am _concussed_." Ianto told him firmly. "I've lost all sense of balance, and I don't have the strength to deal with your questions at the moment. I don't have the strength to block you out, or apparently to control broadcasting to you, either. I'm not saying this to be difficult, or hide anything from you. I _promise_ you, I will explain everything you need or want to know, but not _right now_. Unless you want to send me into shock, the best thing you can do_ is let it go. _Just for tonight..."

"But you do know what's happening, and you _can_ explain it?" Jack asked.

"Yes." Ianto sighed heavily once again. "I have a pretty good idea. I just can't deal with it right now, Jack..."

"Alright." Jack accepted the assurance, returning to simply using his hands to clean Ianto's body of any residual traces of their time spent in the Beacons.

As he continued, he couldn't help his thoughts running over what little information Ianto had already given, and in a sudden moment of inspiration he concentrated for a moment in a way he hadn't needed to for more than a hundred years. Jack raised the mental shields he'd been taught by the Time Agency Psi instructor when they'd learned of his very minor telepathy gift.

Almost instantly, Ianto's still somewhat tense body relaxed further against him, and he had to catch the younger man before he collapsed to the floor of the cubicle. "My _god_..." Ianto breathed, regaining his balance. "Whatever you just did, please don't stop..."

"Can you stand on your own?" Jack asked, leery of questioning his reaction after the earlier request to avoid discussing the situation. "Need you to turn around."

"Maybe..." Ianto answered, pulling away from Jack slightly, then turning in place. "Yeah... Rather not, though..."

Jack huffed a laugh, and pulled Ianto back into his body. Front to front. Ianto dropped his forehead to Jack's shoulder, as Jack's arms went around him again to begin gently washing his back. He felt himself responding to the feel of the Welshman's body against him, and an answering response from Ianto. Their cocks rising together, friction from their closeness and Jack's movements exciting both of them. Whether it was despite their recent aversion to continuing their prior association, or because of it, Jack couldn't guess.

"Bloody thing has a mind of it's own..." Ianto mumbled. "No way I can..."

"It's alright, Ianto." Jack told him, putting aside his longing to have Ianto back in his bed despite the uncomfortable tension that had existed between them ever since Lisa had been discovered. "This is me taking care of you, for once. That's all."

Jack reached for the bottle of shampoo on one of the interior shelves of the shower, and poured a generous amount into his hand. After putting the bottle back in the built-in cubby, he very carefully and gently began washing Ianto's hair. He could actually feel the lumps on the Welshman's head, and tried very hard not to put any real pressure on the likely painful spots. No wonder Ianto was concussed, having taken so many hits to the head. Jack found himself feeling sorry he hadn't done considerably more damage to the residents of the isolated village who'd made cannibalism a generational tradition.

"Am I hurting you?" Jack finally asked, as he tilted Ianto's chin up to let the water wash the shampoo out of his head.

"No, not anymore..." Ianto murmured, his eyes closed. "It's quiet. Has everyone gone home for the night?"

"I sent them all off to recover. Gave them a few days, not just the night." Jack confirmed, knowing they were in a part of the Hub where Ianto wouldn't have been able to physically hear anyone in the main areas, even if the showers and music were turned off. It gave him yet another clue that Ianto's problem, and their shared issue was decidedly psychic in nature. "Tosh asked me to thank you, but didn't say why..." He mentioned leadingly, as he knelt to soap Ianto's legs. He found himself faced with Ianto's obvious arousal, but made a herculean effort to ignore it as he knew the other man wished.

"Was so glad she got away..." Ianto slurred, his hands resting on Jack's shoulders seemed to be the only reason he was still standing. "Di'n't care if they got me, long as she got away..."

"Take a step back, Ianto." Jack told him, quietly reaching up to steady the other man with hands on his waist, considering Ianto's words and resolving to have a long chat with Tosh about whatever had happened to the two of them as soon as he could. "Lean against the wall for me. Don't want you to lose your balance and fall."

"B'lance is long gone b' now..." Ianto slurred again, as he complied. "Can't find it, need to sleep."

"You can't sleep yet, Ianto." Jack smiled slightly, shifting forward on his knees so he was still close enough for Ianto to hold on to. "Bit wet in here for that, and Owen told me to keep you awake for a while before I let you sleep. I promised I'd keep an eye on you for the concussion."

"How're you plannin' to stop me..." Ianto challenged, with a slight curl of his lips. "You've rel'xed me so much I can't even keep my eyes open..."

"Look at me, Ianto." Jack ordered. "Open your eyes..."

Ianto did, and upon seeing the Captain on his knees in front of him, his cock twitched and his hazed blue eyes cleared a bit as they darkened.

"How do you feel?" Jack asked seriously, not realizing that Ianto's thoughts had quickly shifted from his body's aches and pains, to an ache decidedly further south.

"Like I'd really enjoy having you suck my cock while you're down there, _sir_..." Ianto answered, his voice husky but much clearer, one hand shifting from Jack's shoulder to the back of his head. Ianto buried his fingers in Jack's damp hair and his eyes hooded as he watched Jack's eyes widen with a slight inhale of surprise.

"I thought you weren't up for anything..." Jack finally asked, licking his lips as his own eyes shifted from Ianto's, then down to his obviously interested cock, and back up.

"I wouldn't be doing the work..." Ianto said, one side of his mouth lifting. "But I imagine it'd keep me awake a bit longer..."

"That's true, and we wouldn't want to go against doctor's orders, would we..." Jack breathed, sliding one hand over Ianto's hip to take hold of his cock, as he leaned forward to take it in his mouth.

Jack ran his tongue around the head, looking up at Ianto's face. Eyes closed, his mouth open, breath already panting through his lips... Even battered as he was, Ianto looked amazing to Jack's admittedly jaded eyes. He knew that in the condition Ianto was in teasing him as he usually preferred would be beyond cruel.

Instead, he simply opened his throat and took Ianto in completely, as the hand in his hair tightened in reflex. Jack reached down and fisted his own neglected cock, as he let Ianto bury himself deep in his throat. He swallowed around the other man, and the moan Ianto gave only increased his own pleasure. He bobbed his head, and jerked himself harder, knowing from the sound that Ianto was already close.

"Fuck, Jack..." Ianto moaned again. "So good..."

Jack kept his eyes on Ianto's face, and was rewarded when the Welshman finally opened his eyes and looked into his. One more pulsing swallow was all it took for Ianto to explode down Jack's throat. His own eyes closed, and he began almost frantically masturbating himself, as he rode out the final moments of Ianto's orgasm, swallowing everything the other man had to give before he let Ianto's softening cock slip from his mouth.

Jack felt a tug on his hair, and opened his eyes to see a nearly boneless Ianto gazing down at him, as he leaned back against the wall.

"Come here, Jack..." Ianto said, and tugged again.

Jack stood and Ianto pulled him into a deep kiss, as he felt another hand join his own. He dropped his hand from his cock, and let Ianto take over with a groan of relief. His hands ran up Ianto's back to his shoulders, gripping them and letting his arms brace their combined weight against the wall as he buried his face in Ianto's neck.

"That's it... come for me, cariad..." Ianto murmured into his ear, and those lazy Welsh vowels finally sent him right over the edge. Jack groaned out Ianto's name against his skin as he spilled over Ianto's hand and stomach.

For long minutes they held each other against the tile, their pulses slowing, bodies cooling. Until Ianto shuddered with a chill and Jack remembered the other man was injured and despite their justifications to the contrary, what they'd done hadn't exactly been in Owen's treatment instructions.

"Are you alright?" He asked, lifting his head to look at the Ianto's face, and finding his eyes closed with a relaxed expression. "I didn't hurt you?"

"Can't really feel my legs, but I don't think it has anything to do with my injuries..." Ianto huffed a laugh without opening his eyes.

Jack smiled slightly at the joke, and stroked his hands down Ianto's back slowly.

"Lets rinse off, and get out of here." He said finally, squeezing Ianto's waist lightly and kissing his temple. "You need to rest."

"But not _sleep_..." Ianto sighed. "I want to sleep even more now..."

"I'll make you a deal." Jack told him, just for a moment throwing his caution with this subject to the wind, he continued. "Let me kiss you, Ianto. Then once I'm sure you aren't going to suddenly slip into a coma from head trauma, I'll drive you home and tuck you into bed."

"That's not your best idea, Jack..." Ianto shook his head, and met Jack's eyes. "Most of this will be gone by the time I wake up tomorrow. It's not worth risking..."

"Risking what?" Jack said, confused.

"Making things worse than they already are..." Ianto said, bluntly.

"Making what worse?" Jack said, his voice rising from the near whisper they'd been using.

"Shhh..." Ianto hushed Jack, and sighed deeply again. He shifted forward and moved them both back into the still-hot stream of water from the shower. He turned in Jack's arms and let the water rinse the evidence of their encounter off his body. He reached out a hand, and shut the taps, turning off the water, then carefully moved out of Jack's arms, grabbing a towel from the hooks outside the shower enclosure and wrapping it around his waist, he took another and handed it to Jack.

"C'mon then." He finally said, when Jack simply stood watching him. "We need to have this out, and I'd much rather do it at home than naked in the bowels of the Hub. I think I've already started recovering enough to handle this conversation, as long as you keep up whatever shield you're using and I can crash right afterward."

As he turned to walk away, Jack was somehow unsurprised to see that the bruises he'd noted on Ianto's back earlier had begun to fade. The deep reddish purples he'd noticed no more than half an hour ago had begun to turn the even uglier shades of green and yellow around the edges that usually denoted days of healing rather than hours. Jack knew he shouldn't be this calm about discovering yet more secrets from Ianto Jones, but something in him wouldn't allow him to be otherwise. Instead of commenting, he quickly used the towel to dry himself, and followed.

* * *

_Song Credits: **Fine Again **by** Seether**, and **There There **by** Radiohead**. I highly recommend pulling them up on YouTube to get the proper ambiance for this chapter. There won't be a lot of music in this story, but occasionally there's a song that I put on repeat while I'm writing, so I try to include them somewhere without making it too obnoxious. _

_If you're curious, the song that came on Ianto's playlist after **There There** ended was **Use Somebody **by** Kings of Leon**. Their **Sex on Fire** was more popular in England in late '08, and either might have fit, but Ianto's iPod is almost as psychic as he is, and while Ianto might have chosen **Sex on Fire**, this chapter is from Jack's POV, not his... There's a bit of character motivation for you to chew over. ;D_


	3. Chapter 3

_**Chapter 2 - Is that a cactus in your pocket, or are you just happy to see me?**_

* * *

The drive to Ianto's building was silent. Ianto rested his head back against the seat, with his eyes closed. Jack attempted to concentrate on driving. The Audi was usually a pleasure to drive, but all he could do was listen to Ianto's even breathing beside him and navigate on autopilot along the familiar route.

He reached the building he'd helped Ianto move into during his suspension, pulled into a space and shut the engine off abruptly. Ianto's eyes opened instantly, and he turned his head to look at Jack.

"You're coming up." The Welshman said. It was unmistakably an order rather than a question. "Set your wristband to monitor the Hub if you want, but the rift will behave tonight. We need to have a chat."

"Accommodating of the rift to behave just so you and I can have a talk..." Jack smirked at the thought.

"It'll behave because it was always going to behave tonight." Ianto was too tired to even bother rolling his eyes, so he unbuckled his seat-belt and ignored Jack's sarcasm. "It's going to continue behaving for the next three days or so. I thought that was the reason you scheduled our little trip to the country for today in the first place. We're back more than a day earlier than planned."

"Tosh's rift predictor isn't that accurate, Ianto." Jack shook his head. "If we'd still been out there when there was a rift spike, I'd have had to come back to handle it as quickly as possible while the rest of you continued investigating."

"Jack, trust me. Ok?" Ianto sighed. "The rift will be quiet tonight, and there'll be plenty of time for all but Gwen to fully recover before we need to worry about it acting up again."

"I'm supposed to be the enigmatic one around here, Ianto..." Jack teased the other man, as they both exited the vehicle. "My wristband is already set to remote, and I was planning to stay whether you liked it or not. I did promise to keep an eye on you."

"I had a feeling you were, and you're always far to smug to be properly enigmatic..." Ianto raised an eyebrow, then began walking to the building entrance. Jack followed along behind, not sure if he should be offended by that remark, or not.

As they passed through the entry, the security guard snapped to attention behind his desk upon recognizing the two. "Good evening, Sirs." He said promptly, then stared at Ianto's bruised and disheveled appearance in surprise. "Are you alright, Mr. Jones?"

"I'll be fine, Pyrin." Ianto reassured the guard, with a tired smile. "Nothing a bit of rest won't fix."

"Any more problems with your Shimmer, Pyrin?" Jack asked, changing the subject for Ianto's sake.

"No sir, Captain." The well-disguised Vinvocchi replied with a bright smile. "Been working like a charm ever since you repaired it. Thank you for that, and the new ones! The wife and kids are settling in here, as well."

"Glad to hear it, Pyrin." Jack grinned back. "Just let Ianto or I know if you run into any more problems, otherwise Ianto tells me you're doing very well here."

"Don't work too hard, Pyrin." Ianto smiled. "I've a bit of a head injury, so the Captain will be staying to keep an eye on me. I think we'll be in for the night."

"Good to hear, Mr. Jones." Pyrin said with a nod. "You should get more rest. Half the time you're coming home well into my shift, and leaving again before it's over..."

"The Rift waits for no one." Jack grumbled good-naturedly, as the two men went in the direction of the lift. "Goodnight, Pyrin."

"Goodnight, sirs!"

He and Ianto both waved at the rift-displaced alien, as the doors closed.

"Good placement." Jack commented, as Ianto swiped the special security card that allowed the lift to skip directly to the penthouse flat. "They seem happier here in the city than they were out in the countryside."

"Yes, for all it was technically safer for them out there, it was too isolated." Ianto agreed, as he took a step back to lean tiredly against the back wall of the lift. "They're a social species, with no prejudice against humans. Rala was a scientist, but Pyrin says he always worked in some form of customer service. The look on your face when you dragged me out there at his call about a malfunctioning Shimmer, and found they'd married and Rala had given birth to twins since you'd settled them together. It's a good thing I knew there were two extra camouflaging devices in the mess from London's archives, along with a three-bedroom flat and the overnight security position sitting available."

"It was." Jack snorted a laugh. "But if they try to fill that third bedroom with anything other than a home-office, we're going to have to ask Toshiko to give reverse-engineering a try on the one device we have left in our archives. I can do minor repairs, but I can't build an entirely new one."

"I can dig up the technical specs Rala gave us, and pass them along to let Tosh get a start made." Ianto said, as he watched the lights blink through floors as the elevator rose. "May as well give her the advance notice, and you never know when a new camouflage device will come in handy for a sudden riftugee. She wont ask too many questions if we make it out not to be a rush job, and she'll enjoy the challenge more without unexplained time-constraints."

"What about you?" Jack asked, gazing at Ianto's seemingly relaxed expression. "Are you happier here, now?"

"I love it here, Jack." Ianto turned his head a bit to smile back. "I really do. We see so much crap in Torchwood. I've seen so many terrible things come from aliens, or the Rift... It is nice to come home to a place where I'm surrounded by proof that they aren't all bad. Some of them are probably more normal than we are, and just want to make the best of the situations they're stuck in. I still think we should let the others in on it. Gwen especially would probably appreciate getting to see what I have."

"Hmm..." Jack shook his head. "No, if I open that can of worms, I'll have to tell them about all of it. Including Flat Holm, and I just can't expose the rest of the team to that place and expect them to handle it like you have. After everything... I knew you would understand, and appreciate what I'm trying to do with all this..."

"I still think you aren't giving them enough credit, but we've agreed to disagree on that." Ianto shrugged slightly, as the elevator dinged and the door opened onto his flat's entryway.

"I think you needed this more." Jack finally said. "If it comes down to it, maybe the others will one day, but not now."

"Maybe someday, then." Ianto said, shrugging out of his own coat, folding it over his arm, then turning to take Jack's from his shoulders in a familiar gesture that Jack welcomed. As he turned to hang the two coats on the lovely antique stand in the corner of the entryway, he continued. "Since I'll no doubt have a few days off to recover from our trip, I may make a trip out to the Island while we're free. Did Helen ask for anything specific in her last report?"

"Some medical supplies I've already packaged up for delivery, some schooling items for our latest patient, and a list of personal items for the patients and staff..." Jack trailed off, as the two men moved into the main living space. The view out of the windows always did that to him.

In Jack's opinion Ianto's flat had one of the best views in the city by far. Better even for not being a rooftop, and thus exposed to the elements. Before he had offered the empty penthouse to Ianto, he'd come here on particularly nasty nights, when he needed the feeling of freedom without the icy winds and rain Cardiff often suffered.

Hearing the clink of two glasses hitting the bar top captured his attention back from the view, and he finally finished his thought. "But I was planning to take them out myself as soon as I have the time, you don't need to..."

"I want to." Ianto cut him off without turning from the drinks he poured. "You despise going out there. It puts you in a foul mood for days afterward, and that's the last thing we all need after what we've just been through. I don't mind it. I... I'm used to that kind of atmosphere... Besides, I want to visit with Elyse."

"Ianto..." Jack sighed.

"I can help her, Jack." Ianto turned, and handed Jack his scotch. The younger man stepped around the Captain, and settled into one of the comfortable armchairs.

"I don't see how." Jack said, darkly. "She's been utterly destroyed mentally by whatever she went through. Doesn't even have the vocabulary to describe... That's why Helen asked for the schooling package. The counselor is hoping that if she's given that normalcy back, it will help."

Ianto gazed solemnly up at Jack, and took a sip of his drink before responding. "Elyse likes and trusts me. Mine was the first human face she'd seen since the rift took her. She can't even remember the faces of her parents, she was so young. Besides, her mind wasn't destroyed, it was opened. Much too far, with no safeguards. What she went through made whatever natural mental gifts she had expand without any shielding whatsoever. That's why I can help her now, just like I did the night we found her. Send me Helen's list tomorrow, and I'll take care of the rest of the items on it."

"I still don't understand how you can help her, no matter what the situation." Jack shook his head, and slumped onto the sofa in the space closest to Ianto's chair. "She's still just a child... We've had to deal with so many children recently..."

"I honestly thought you understood, Jack..." Ianto sighed. "I thought that was why you took me to Flat Holm in the first place. As difficult as it was at first, you said you knew I was the right one to tell because I would understand. I do understand. Not just because of Lisa... I know how hard it is for you to deal with things when children are involved."

"You don't know that, you can't..."

"Yes I can, and I do." Ianto replied. "Even if I didn't want to, I couldn't stop it if I tried. What you feel when you look at Elyse... With Jasmine...No matter how far away you were, I could still feel what that decision did to you. How it made you feel to let them have her. I already knew you weren't the monster I accused you of being, that _they_ accused you of being afterward, but nothing could have proved it more than the moment when your grief at having to let go of a little girl you didn't even know came so close to breaking you."

The absolute certainty in Ianto's tired voice amazed Jack, and he didn't, couldn't understand how Ianto knew exactly how Jack had felt in that moment, when Jasmine's mother had fallen apart in his arms. Even if he'd quickly buried the memory back into the depths of his mind, for just a moment he'd recalled another mother and another child he had let go of, no matter how inadvertently, and for one second he'd come closer to breaking than he had in a century.

"What's happening to us, Ianto..." Jack finally asked, his eyes rising to meet the younger man's tired blue to tired blue.

"I don't know for sure..." Ianto said, quietly. "I only know what I've felt, and what seems to be the only reasonable explanation under the circumstances..."

"And what circumstances are those?" Jack asked, bemused.

"When Lisa threw me across the room I was gone, and you brought me back. "

"I..."

"You've done it before." Ianto stated with surety, not giving Jack a chance to prevaricate. "With Carys. You shared some of that overflowing life-force of yours with her, so she'd last a bit longer with the alien. I was on the comms, and the others described what they saw to me when you got back to the Hub. I guessed what you'd done. Then when I woke up in the pool with you kissing me, after knowing that my neck was broken just before everything went black... I was kissing you back before I even realized I could move again... And suddenly I could feel you stronger than anything or anyone else around us."

"Feel me?" Jack shook his head, "Of course you could, I had you in my arms..."

"Empathically." Ianto interrupted. "I could feel you more strongly than I ever had before, and I wasn't able to block you anymore. I still can't completely block you out on my own. As it is with this head injury and the way it's shredded my shielding, the fact that there are several floors between us and the closest occupied flat, combined with whatever you're doing to block me out is the only reason I can concentrate enough right now to have this conversation."

"You're an empath..." Jack breathed. "That...that explains so much. But...how..?"

"London knew." Ianto told him, not even needing the question verbalized. "Not the full extent, I let them believe I was only barely gifted. Touch-based empathy that didn't affect me with other humans unless I was in physical contact. I've found after researching their records that it's not even uncommon in this century to find humans who are mildly empathic. Telepathy is still very rare, but mild empathic gifts are getting to be more and more common. It wasn't all that difficult to fake. Their researchers never expected to find strong talents because they aren't supposed to exist, and I am one of the lucky few who are born with full control over their gift."

Ianto stood, and crossed to look out the windows himself, as he continued.

"You know that Torchwood always sought out the more unique gifts as part of their hiring process, but they don't expect to find more than minor gifts unless the person is secretly an alien, which I am decidedly not. As it was, they were far more interested in the fact that I have a controlled eidetic memory than they were the empathy. I remember everything I experience with perfect recall. Not just what I read, but everything I see, hear, feel, touch, taste... Everything. For most people it would drive them mad, or make them unable to function in normal society. They told me I am literally unique in that I'm able to control, categorise, and correctly interpret all the stimuli my brain receives just going about my daily life."

With a heavy sigh, Ianto turned back and met Jack's eyes, and in the moment before he spoke again Jack knew that this time the other man was holding nothing back.

"I wasn't a junior researcher, Sir. I was specifically recruited to be one of the four Senior Archivists." Ianto told him, seriously. "I was the only one under the age of thirty, because of how long it took others to train while also memorizing the archives. Instead of ten years, it took me less than one. I certainly worked with the archives, but I was mainly hired on to float amongst several field teams, because my memory provided them a quantifiable advantage at quickly identifying alien tech and artifacts in the field, which usually allowed for safer recovery methods. I only worked artifact recovery missions, not alien apprehension. It was deemed too dangerous to potentially expose even a weak empath to aliens who might be able to affect me with their own mental gifts, or their potentially unsual emotional responses. If my knowledge or special skills were needed for those missions I provided backup, translation, and advised over the comms. They considered me far too valuable to be risked, otherwise."

"If that's the case, then why do your records state that you were a lower level researcher with no special skills?" Jack asked, with wide eyes, understanding from his own years with Torchwood exactly what the Senior Archivists at One were. "According to what I found when I first checked on you, you were on the lowest end of the ranks at Canary Wharf. Certainly nothing to suggest you were a Senior, and trained for field missions. Even on a partial basis..."

"You can't answer that question yourself, sir?" Ianto rolled his eyes slightly. "I knew right away I would need to be hired by you, but I couldn't afford to attract too much of the wrong kind of interest. Not from UNIT while they were heading the recovery, and not from you in particular. My clearance for Torchwood One's mainframe is higher even than yours. Before I ever left London I went in through a secure access to the system, and changed my files to reflect the sort of T1 employee I thought you'd be least threatened by."

Jack dropped his face into his hands, shaking his head. "I should have known..." He muttered. "No one with your potential spends two years as a lower level researcher. You'd have been promoted long since. You knew too much, and you're too well trained, even for Hartman's Torchwood."

"I have two degrees from Oxford. Linguistics and History. I speak ten languages. That includes three alien languages I've learned since joining Torchwood, so officially it's only seven. I was about to start my post-graduate Linguistics study when I was recruited, so they let me continue to work on my Masters, and I completed it just before the battle. I didn't scavenge the retrieval and monitoring tech I had when we met, either." Ianto admitted. "It was part of my personal kit, in case of emergency call-outs. Since I was something of a floater working with several different teams, my schedule tended to be erratic. I was approved to store my own kit in a fingerprint-access safe, disguised as a tool chest I keep in the boot of my car. I'm proficient in computers, and could back up the field technician of whatever team I worked with. I'm also checked out on all the weapons we went over together, plus a few more you didn't cover. Purely precautionary in my case, since the missions I went on didn't tend to require it, but I've been told I was quite good before you ever got ahold of me on the range..."

"You were." Jack admitted. "I thought you simply had a natural talent. In my defense it does happen occasionally.

"I'm sorry, sir..." Ianto sighed. "I can... I made a hard-copy of my original file before I made the changes. I can find it for you in the morning. I don't know why I haven't already. I've known there's no real point hiding anymore. I just... I was holding onto residual anger about everything that happened, not just with Lisa, but for the way you all dismissed me. It's my own bloody fault, I wanted it that way, I just..."

"I understand, Ianto." Jack stopped the torrent of confession. "I'm not angry with you. Not anymore. I've forgiven all that, and this is just an extension of it. I'm even more annoyed with myself for not realizing before now that there was something unusual going on, but I'm not angry with you. I will take you up on that offer to see your original file, though. I need to know what my team is actually capable of..."

"So, this isn't the last straw for you trying to retcon me back to nappies, then?" Ianto asked, and Jack was surprised to see that the question was in earnest.

"Of course not!" He assured the younger man. "You did leave your Retcon resistance in your files, and if anything this only underscores the reasons I kept you on. Bespoke suits, and joking James Bond references aside, by all rights you should be with SIS, not Torchwood. You're already better at covert operations than anyone I've ever worked with in the Institute, and that's without any specialized training in it. You're better than me, and that's saying a lot because long ago and far away I used to be a kind of covert operative, myself. So, I know what I'm talking about. We need you, Ianto. I might not have realized it at the time, and I would have stubbornly refused to hire you if I'd known your true position. Your skills could wind up being invaluable at some point, so it's just as well that you redacted your file until I was ready to accept them. I told you that I still want you around because once I calmed down I admired what you were able to do, even if I still can't agree with what you actually did..."

"Sir..." Ianto took a deep breath, steeling himself, and continued. "You know my last secrets now. The extent of my memory, my training, and that I have an extremely strong empathic gift. I'm receptive and projective, and I had more than enough control over it even before Torchwood found me to fool Yvonne's best psi experts. Please believe me when I say that I never would have done what I did if I had any doubt that Lisa was still herself when I pulled her out of Canary Wharf. I could feel her. Until that final day, when she flatlined for a few moments as Tanizaki was trying to allow her to breathe on her own, she was still my Lisa. I was just too panicked by the team's early return and overwrought with everything that happened afterward to realize it until I was recovered enough to properly examine my memories of that night... When I did, I realized that was the moment I stopped feeling her entirely. Her emotions shut off then, and never came back. When it comes down to it, you were right to...stop her...when you did. But, I will never stop believing I was right to at least try saving her in the first place. Her conversion wasn't complete until that moment of clinical death. That's the moment I lost her, not when the team finally killed the thing that took her place. Maybe if I had tried harder to trust you, to tell you about myself, about her... She really could have been saved."

"That's what you believe?"

"It's what I know." Ianto shook his head. "I know it's true, sir. And knowing that, is the reason I've been able to accept what happened, and remain with the team."

"But not with me." Jack stated, baldly. He didn't really care anymore if he came across as desperate to the other man. He was. No matter how much he'd tried to tell himself that even discussing it was crossing a line he shouldn't go near, he needed to understand.

"I assumed you..." Ianto sighed, raking a hand over his face, and crossing back to slump into the chair he'd left. "I couldn't imagine any circumstances in which you could forgive me enough to resume the..._arrangement_ we had. Not till tonight. I still don't understand, despite... Jack, I betrayed your trust horribly. I did hide myself from you, despite the fact that I probably know more of your secrets than you would ever have trusted me with on your own..."

"My secrets..."

"I _know_, sir." Ianto met his eyes. "That you're immortal. That you've been with Torchwood since before the turn of the last century. I know that you traveled with the Doctor. That you're waiting for him to return. I know you aren't from this time at all, you're from a far future time. I knew all of that before I ever approached you that night in the park. Had done for a long time. You may have been able to erase your own records here, you even got to the copies archived in London after the Battle, but I had unrestricted access to those archives before you ever had the chance. Prior to your taking command in 2000 all the leaders of Torchwood Cardiff forwarded copies of their records to London for archive redundancy, and even as a freelancer you were a prominent feature. If it makes any difference at all, it was never prurient curiosity on my part, or any sort of research done in order to manipulate you. I was expected to memorize everything in the archives as part of my job. I probably remember more details of your history with Torchwood than you do, given your situation. Besides, how do you hide things from your _butler_? As many times as I've repaired tears and holes in your coat, or cleaned up your literally bloody clothing after a mission, without saying a word... What did you imagine I thought was happening when you came back to the hub without a scratch on a body you gave me complete access to, while still leaving all that obvious damage for me to fix?"

"I..." Jack inhaled deeply, and shook his head. He stood, and began pacing the room to bleed off some of the nervous energy that Ianto's confession had engendered in him, trying to think clearly through the panic his words had struck off. Gwen knowing part of his secret was one thing, she was simple for him to deal with in a way that Ianto could never be. He'd done everything he could to keep his secrets away from his team after all the years of being the freak of Torchwood 3 under the command of others, and now he realized that his facination with Ianto had blinded him to the fact that Jack may as well have painted him a picture.

"I don't know what I thought. You never asked me..." As he turned back to Ianto, he saw the younger man had slumped down in the chair, his hands to his head again, and Jack realized his shields had dropped in his sudden distraction. He concentrated again, calming himself, and raising the shields he'd been taught. "Sorry. I'm sorry, Ianto. I lost it for a moment..."

Ianto relaxed again, rubbing his temples, as he replied. "It's alright, sir. Understandable. Neither of us is really in any shape for this conversation, but we can't go on putting it off."

"I'm woefully out of practice." Jack said, seating himself on the sofa again with a sigh, deciding to simply accept Ianto's knowledge to make this easier on both of them. Ianto had apparently kept his secrets, despite what they'd been through in the last few months, even with all the reason in the world to refrain from doing so. "It used to be second nature, drilled into me. I've got a minor telepathic gift. Unlike now, it's not unusual at all in my time. Just something that starts to crop up more often as humanity evolves and spreads across space. I was trained to shield myself from intrusion and accidental use of my gift as a child, and given more intensive training by my eventual employers, but I haven't needed to do it for over a century... I'll try harder..."

"We've gotten so far off topic with all this confession..." Ianto shook his head, then winced again at the still underlying pain of his concussion. "This was supposed to be about what happened that's seemingly linked us mentally. I've never had anything like this happen, sir. It started for me when you kissed me."

"I think that's when it started for me, as well..." Jack admitted. "I didn't realize what was happening at the time, but now that I know about your empathy..."

"Our emotions were feeding off each other that night." Ianto told him. "Your anger, fear, guilt, and betrayal, my anger, fear, guilt, and betrayal... We had a feedback loop going on after we linked up, but since the basic underlying emotions were the same I doubt either of us would have been in any condition to realize it. Especially considering everything that was happening. Looking back on it I'm surprised we didn't wind up doing a lot more damage to each other. Our reactions the entire time were compromised by whatever this is. I didn't manage to get a handle on it myself until I'd been away for a few days. I knew it wasn't any kind of normal psychic overload for me when being so physically distant from you didn't stop me from feeling you. I spent the better part of my suspension strengthening my hold on my gift, and building a secondary shield to try and filter out your emotions. I haven't been able to completely block you, as I said. I've only managed to bring you down to the level I generally sense everyone at with my normal shielding... I don't know how much you know about empathy, if you would have learned anything about it in your own training... After years of trial and error I realized that it's a very bad idea for an empath of my strength to fully shield on a long term basis. It's just not like how I understand shielding yourself from telepathic intrusion to be. It's a bit like losing a sense. Imagine suddenly being rendered deaf or blind after a lifetime of hearing or seeing... So, managing to get you down to the level I usually sense everyone at was enough to be getting along with. I didn't realize you would also be able to sense things from me in return, or I would have come to you sooner to try and figure this out. I honestly just thought it was me. A new strength or facet to my empathy, maybe. Sometimes trauma can do that."

"And since I wasn't even sure what was actually happening until today in the Beacons when it was obvious the emotions were coming from outside myself, I wouldn't have thought to come to you, either..." Jack finished.

"I didn't give you a chance to confirm or deny it before..." Ianto told him. "There's really no point in prevaricating now, Jack... You did do something to heal or even bring me back with that kiss, correct?"

"I wasn't sure it would work, I've never..." Jack sighed. "What I did with Carys was very different. She only needed enough energy to keep from dissolving under the stress of what the alien was doing to her body until we could find a solution, and I have an excess of life energy. I've shared that energy before, I've even helped others heal more quickly with it. I've tried in the past to save someone as close to death or beyond it as I'm sure you were by the time I got to you, but it never worked the way it did with you. I had to try, but until you responded to me and woke up, I didn't expect it to work."

"I never felt the link snap into place, if it did." Ianto said, leaning his head back against the back of the sofa and closing his eyes. "When I woke up, it was just there. I suppose what I was feeling in that moment was your shock that it worked, I had wondered at that but as bolloxed as my shields already were I thought it was normal..."

"I don't have your memory, "Jack volunteered, "But, I do remember feeling something like a mild shock just before you began kissing me back. I attributed it to residual charge from the electrocution cybermen use to delete people. She killed me twice before I could make it to where you were..."

"It's possible that my empathy combined with whatever it is that makes you unable to stay dead, that gives you the extra energy, and linked us together mentally. I..." He trailed off for a moment then continued haltingly. "I imagine that may be why it never worked that way before. Perhaps it needed that link to do what you were trying to do, and maybe my empathy made our minds receptive enough to each other that it was able to force things..?"

"I honestly don't know..." Jack replied, equally confused at the idea. "I still don't know exactly what happened to make me this way in the first place. I died once. I knew I was going to die, accepted it because I felt I was giving my life to a good cause, the best cause in the universe, but then I woke up only to find the people I was with were gone. I've been like this ever since. That's why I'm waiting for the Doctor. I'm hoping if I can find him again, the right one. One who isn't at an earlier place on the timeline from when he knew me... I hope that when I find him maybe he'll at least be able to tell me what happened if not fix me."

"Then maybe he'll be able to fix this as well, because I have searched through the archives here and combed through my own memories of the main Archives in London and I haven't been able to find anything that resembles this or could tell us how to break it. Even how to manage it better." Ianto told him, seriously. "Jack, I wasn't exaggerating earlier. Most everything wrong with me will be completely gone by tomorrow if my current level of healing holds up. Ever since that night I can't keep a paper-cut longer than half a second before it closes in front of my eyes. Bruises fade within anywhere from a few hours to a day depending on how deep, and I'm completely positive I broke a couple bones in my hand hitting you that night, but by the time I came out of shock enough to think I should be feeling it, I wasn't. When Owen checked me out, he didn't even notice anything wrong. I hit you after you woke me up, and granted there could have been some residual energy speeding my healing the rest of the night, but that doesn't explain why it's still sticking around, now. I need to stay off for the next three days, not to heal but to keep Owen from suspecting there's something going on. If I run into him before that, he's going to have questions that I can't answer."

"That can't be, Ianto." Jack shook his head. "I heal minor things more quickly than average, and my body basically resets whenever I die, but I told you I've healed people before and it's never lasted beyond healing the initial injury."

"Well, tell that to my body." Ianto huffed. "Because I've been trying to tell it that for weeks, already and it isn't listening to me. Maybe you'll have better luck."

"I know you're still angry with me." Jack said, seemingly changing the subject.

"I'm not angry with you." Ianto said, his voice conveying the confusion he felt at the sudden change of direction. "Why would you think that?"

"You threatened to kill me." Jack reminded him. "You apparently knew better, and still were angry enough to threaten me. I just... I'm worried that you don't quite understand what my immortality really means, and why I keep it a secret from the others."

"I said I'd watch you suffer and die, Jack." Ianto muttered. "I never said anything about expecting it to be permanent. I also never said anything about doing the deed, myself. I thought I'd just seen the woman I loved killed by something I'd spent months treating like a pet, because of the man I'd been sleeping with while she was sick. I think I had a right to be a bit overwrought, and even then I still kept your secret. I'm not going to go bleating to the rest of the team, now..."

"Gwen knows." Jack admitted.

"Of course she does..." Ianto rolled his eyes with a heavy sigh.

"It was an accident." Jack told him shortly. "I didnt tell her on purpose. I don't tell anyone if I can help it. Owen, Tosh, even Susie. I never told them, despite how long they've been with me. The night Susie died, she shot me in the head right in front of Gwen. I woke up just in time to stop her killing Gwen too, so she shot herself instead. I really didn't have any choice but to explain to Gwen what had happened, since she'd already proven harder to retcon than most."

"That does explain why you hired her..." Ianto said, musingly. "I thought you were ready to trade me in for a more conventional model, at the time. She found out your secret, so you had to keep her close. You realize you've nearly ruined her at this point. She's skipped so much of the proper training, she's close to unsalvageable. I've been almost glad to have the excuse of no training to avoid having to go out into the field if it meant not having to trust her to back me up."

"I know..." It was Jack's turn to sigh. "I do still think she has something important to offer to the team, but you're right. She needs to complete the rest of the training I've let her get away with skipping. My only excuse was that with Suzie gone we were short a trained operative, and apparently that wasn't actually the case. If I bring you out in the field more, I can afford to have her undergo more of the regulation training. And no, I was never intending to trade you for her. She'd be a nice shag, I'm sure, but it would last about as long as it took me to roll out of bed afterward, if it even made it to one. She's not someone I'd want to have anything...more with. Hero-worship is nice, but it doesn't tend to make for the best relationships. I thought it was obvious but, Ianto... I haven't even looked at anyone else seriously since the night we caught Myfynwy. I haven't wanted to."

"But you..." Ianto's eyes were wide as he looked into Jack's and saw the truth in them. "_Why_?"

"I don't know." Jack told him, ducking his head a bit and huffing. "That night you found me in the park, I was instantly attracted to you but the circumstances were just..."

"It was an obvious setup, and you weren't stupid enough to fall for it." Ianto finished for him. "That was the entire point. I approached you that way on purpose to catch your attention so you'd feel compelled to look me up, find my edited records, and hopefully not consider me a threat..."

"Well, it worked a little too well." Jack frowned. "At least from my point of view. It's part of why I didn't want to consider hiring you, even more so than the excuse I used of you being from One. I've been attracted to a lot of people in my time, but I've never felt that drawn to someone. Never. Every time you touched me I had to stiffen up and push you away to control a shiver down my spine. I'm not too proud to admit that it scared me to want you so much on first sight. It only got worse with every consecutive meeting, so I kept resisting it until that moment in the warehouse when I realized it was mutual."

"It was mutual." Ianto admitted. "I'd resigned myself to flirting with you, but I got the impression that you weren't the type to force your affections, so I wasn't actually intending to... I didn't go into it intending to manipulate you with sex, Jack. I just... I'd never even been attracted to a man before you. I hadn't planned for my own response to you, because I honestly didn't expect to have one. I was just as affected by it as you were. That night in the warehouse, I ran off because I realized what I wanted in that moment more than anything else in the world, even more than saving Lisa, was to kiss you, and I'd never felt more guilty in my life."

"I made every first move, Ianto..." Jack shook his head. "I realize that I seduced you, not the other way around. I could tell how conflicted you were every time we were together, and I stupidly assumed it was just more 21st century values, like I'd dealt with before with other lovers..."

"No, I was never conflicted about you being a man..." Ianto shrugged. "I don't even know if I can properly articulate why it didn't bother me... I felt guilty about Lisa, about the fact that I was lying to you and everyone else... The fact that I found myself drawn to a man for the first time in my life was so minor as to be nearly unnoticeable in the bigger picture. Being with you... The time we spent together... Those were the only bright moments in my life at that point, Jack. Everything else was darkness, grief, pain, fear, and guilt, but I could somehow let it all go when I was with you. It was always afterward that it all came rushing back to me, and I couldn't help but pull away."

"Which came across as the same type of spooked reaction I'd gotten in the past from supposedly straight men who I wound up in bed with, so I didn't look any deeper." Jack admitted. "It's almost like we were destined to screw things up."

"I think that under the circumstances, we did the best we could have." Ianto told him, still looking down. "We couldn't read each other's minds, then..." He looked up then, and met Jack's eyes. "I need to be very clear about something with you, right now when you can easily tell what I'm feeling. I am not in love with you, Jack." Ianto said, bluntly. "I love you, of course. You're very easy to love. I could easily_ fall_ in love with you, if I allowed myself to. I just refuse to allow myself to."

"I..." Jack stopped, and shook his head. He reconsidered his response, and tried to ignore the flash of hurt, because he knew that Ianto was only being sensible. Jack knew that he wasn't anyone's idea of an ideal love, and Ianto deserved far more than he had to give. Unless and until the Doctor came to fix him.

"I'm probably more than halfway in love with you." Jack finally continued. "But for me, that doesn't really mean a whole lot in the grand scheme of things. I've been more than halfway in love with a lot of people in my years waiting. I fight it every time, and I usually wind up walking away, because I can't give the ones I love what I know they deserve. Unless the Doctor fixes me, I'll never be able to."

"That isn't why I won't let myself fall for you, Jack." Ianto shook his head with a sigh. "I would happily take whatever time you were able to give me, if I thought that you were truly capable of returning that committment in kind. I know you don't want to hear this, but it isn't your immortality keeping you from staying with the ones you love. It's fear. Fear of yourself, fear of them and what it means to give in. Everyone has to contend with the idea of losing the one they love eventually. Unless a pair of lovers die in an accident at the same time, one will eventually have to go on without the other, maybe not forever but believe me the little time we mortals have to experience it is enough. I'm already intimately familiar with that pain, as you well know. People have an infinite capacity for love, and you're no exception. It's possible to love that deeply, even for you, without it breaking you to lose the one you love. The heart mends, the mind forgets the pain, and you eventually move on. The problem is that love and trust go hand in hand. What you're afraid of is that if you let someone in enough to tell them your secrets, you'll be rejected. So, you keep your secrets. You keep your trust, and your love locked away inside. That isn't something I would be able to handle from someone I let myself feel that deeply for. I can handle a casual relationship with you, because there is no expectation of full disclosure and complete trust. I can't fall in love with you, because my empathy would tell me every time you lied about how you felt. Every time you fobbed off a question you should trust the person you love enough to answer, I would know and it would hurt me. Eventually, it would break me, Jack. So, I won't fall in love with you. I'll sleep with you. I'll take care of you. I'll trust you, and follow you as my Captain. I just won't allow you to break me the way I know you easily could."

"I...You..." Jack couldn't seem to find the words to either confirm or deny Ianto's.

"I've been a fully-fledged empath from birth." Ianto took pity on Jack, and didn't require a response to his assessment of the other man. "I have never in my entire life been without the ability to read the people around me. I probably understand the emotions of other people better than most people understand themselves. I know that you're stronger than you give yourself credit for, but no one can force you to believe that yourself. What I can do is make sure you really think about your own motivations for the things you do."

Jack was perfectly silent for long minutes, as he stared into Ianto's serious eyes. Finally he had to look away.

"You know, I thought that the Doctor and Rose had cured me of my cowardice a long time ago, but I guess sometimes it really does take someone else's perspective to point out flawed logic..." He finally said, still refusing to meet Ianto's eyes again.

"It's one thing to be brave with your body, especially when you know that nothing is permanent." Ianto agreed softly. "It's another matter entirely to be brave with the deepest parts of yourself. You don't need to say anything, Jack. I just wanted you to know where I stand, in this. I can't be in love with the person you are, but I would never force you to change. It would do more harm than good for us both, if I tried."

Ianto reached out to take his abandoned drink from the coffee table, finishing it off in one gulp as Jack continued to silently refuse to meet his eyes. Jack thought about Ianto's words. He rolled them around in his mind for long moments before finally admitting to himself that Ianto more than had a point about Jack's history with love. He had loved and lost, and moved on any number of times since he'd landed on Earth and not once did it break him. Pretending that he hadn't truly felt it, even with the people he'd chosen to leave to avoid that pain was ridiculous.

He'd hurt just as much losing Estelle some sixty years later as he would have if he'd spent those sixty years by her side, and still here he was a few weeks later with someone who he could easily love as much or more than he had her. What he'd really been afraid of was telling her the truth about himself, and having her turn him away. Even fifty years after he had left her, he'd still been afraid of it. He'd let her die believing that the man she loved had left her behind to go on and happily have a family with someone else, rather than risk telling her the truth.

Part of what fascinated him so much about Gwen Cooper was that she had so easily accepted what he was, but here again Ianto had apparently done the exact same thing without making such a show of it as she seemed to.

Just as he'd come to a conclusion about how to handle this new perspective, Ianto moved again. The younger man made to stand, presumably to leave Jack to his thoughts, only to be stopped by Jack's hand on his arm.

"Ianto, what if I want to change things?" Jack asked him, finally able to meet Ianto's eyes. "What if I don't want to go on the way I have been? What if I don't want either of us to hold back like that?"

"I think that taking me to bed right now and being there when I wake up in the morning would be a very good start, if that's really what you want." Ianto told him. "Don't run away because you're afraid to have that conversation about how little you sleep, or how quickly your energy recovers."

"Because you already know." Jack replied, standing and reaching a hand out to Ianto to help him do the same.

"No, because I'd like you to be there when I'm feeling well enough to do something about you being in my bed, but if it helps to know that I do, then by all means remind yourself as often as necessary." Ianto raised an eyebrow at him in amusement.

Jack laughed, and reached both hands up to hold Ianto's head still as he kissed him.

* * *

_ In case it's not blindingly obvious, I have no beta for this story. I do my best, but occasionally grammar and spelling issues will arise. Not to mention enough issues with tenses to be their own plot on Doctor Who. It is still a WIP, and I will eventually go back and do even more editing than I already have to fix them. Please forgive the terrified first-time writer._

_I believe I've made a mistake in beginning to post this as a WIP, purely because of the way that I write. _

_I write small scenes that occur to me during various parts of the story, then I go back and fill in around those scenes along the way. _

_For example, the only part of this chapter that was properly written as of a few hours ago, when I finally sat down and told myself it was time to get to it, was the middle portion involving the conversation about Ianto admitting to his empathy and Jack admitting that he'd saved his life. Everything else got filled in around that important plot-moving bit in a marathon session of writing._

_Which is the worst possible way to write a potentially long story, but appears to be the only way I'm capable of doing it. It's making it difficult for me to keep to any kind of posting schedule, so you will all have to bear with me as I get each individual chapter worked out of and into the whole that's already there. _

_I assure you that I do know where the story is going, and I will be able to take it from point A to point Z, it just might take a little while between some chapters, as other parts are stealing my attention._

_You may be getting an interlude chapter within a couple hours of me posting this one, so that at least is something to look forward to. If I were smart I'd hold that back until I know whether the next chapter (including another sex scene, all of which are terrifying for me as a writer), will give me as many problems as this one._

_By the way, if there seems to be the seeds of another prequel or two hidden towards the beginning of this chapter, that'd be because there is. They just wont be written until after this story is completed, because if I try to do it now I'll never get anything done in order and I may as well give it up as a bad job. I will write them, but they aren't completely necessary for the main story to make sense, so they can wait._


	4. Chapter 4

**_Interlude - Those moments when you wonder if you've been here before._**

* * *

"Doctor, where are we?" Rose asked, leaning around him to try and peek outside the door.

"Somewhere we shouldn't be." The Doctor said, pulling away from the door and turning to look curiously at the console.

"Is this someone's house?" Rose asked, her eyes wide. "It looks like a bedroom back home, only...nicer?"

"We're not on Earth, Rose." The Doctor shook his head, still gazing intently at the TARDIS's console, then sighed. "Despite appearances, we're not even in your proper time. I know where we are. I've even slept in that guest room... I just have no idea why we _landed_ here. I was aiming for Sancleen..."

"Parking in my guest room again, Doctor..?" A voice said dryly from outside the TARDIS. "The atmosphere on this planet is perfectly safe, and I did mention that the back patio has a considerable amount of extra space, last time you visited..."

"I blame her." The Doctor sighed, sticking a thumb over his shoulder at the console as an attractive man came into the ship from the room outside. "I think she must have been missing you, since we hadn't visited in a while. Not that it isn't nice to see you again, of course."

"It's always good to see you as well, Doctor." The young man smiled, and turned to Rose to continue. "And you're Rose Tyler. It's _very_ nice to finally meet _you_." With those words, he took her hand and brought it to his lips where he kissed it lightly while gazing at her with sparkling eyes.

Rose blushed pink, and seemingly despite herself she blurted out, "You've heard of me?"

"_You_ are a very special young woman, Rose Tyler." The attractive man said with a small smile. "Of _course_ I've heard of you. I've wanted to meet you for some time. I very much hope that you'll enjoy your visit to my home."

"I suppose we could stay to tea..." The Doctor said, smiling indulgently at Rose's flustered reaction to the attractive but enigmatic man who had all but forced him to recover his equilibrium after the Time War. He knew, or could at least guess that he himself had been the one to tell his friend of Rose at some future point on his timeline.

It made him sad to think about the fact that someone he just knew without needing it confirmed was a future companion of his had never met her. He didn't want to think about how her time with him would come to an end, as it surely would.

As much as his friend had started him on the road to recovery, Rose had been the one to complete the job. It made a strange sort of sense for the TARDIS to bring the two together, so when his friend offered his arm politely to Rose and she took it with a badly stifled giggle, the Doctor followed along quite happily.

* * *

_Some people are already attempting to guess just who the Doctor's mysterious friend might be. I'm trying to make it obvious without being entirely TOO obvious, but I won't confirm or deny anything until the time is right. _

_In this case, you should know that the Doctor is a very unreliable narrator. Meaning that the things he sees, or thinks he sees are not necessarily what is actually going on. Granted, he is brilliant. Most of the time he's not going to be entirely wrong, but in certain areas he's even blinder than most._

_The interludes are part of what were inspired by the Anniversary special, and they will continue to weave in and out of the story on an entirely different set of timelines to Jack and Ianto's main story, always from the Doctor's perspective. At the end, they will make one coherent whole, but until then not even the Doctor would be able to unravel it completely._

_It's all the same AU universe, but it's that gorgeous ship of the Doctor's who is dictating when and how they happen. He rarely pays enough attention when she's trying to show him something important._


End file.
